Dear People Not in Graduate School

*This list includes my family, my friends, my enemies (I hope I don’t have too many), my former classmates, my former students, people I go to church with, random people off the street, and everyone else in-between

-Please don’t ask me when I am going to be done. I know how long I have been here. And it does depress me to think about it. And even when you do, please don’t sound like for whatever reason, I like being here so much and I don’t want to leave. Trust me; I am ready to leave this place (specifically grad school). In fact, I have been ready for a while. I am still here because the forces that be (namely results and advisor), are scheming to keep me here. Don’t worry; as soon as I know when, I will be the one to tell you. In the mean time, pray that I do finish what I have to do so that I can get out soon (and I mange to keep my sanity).

-Please don’t ask me what I do. Especially if you don’t speak ____ (insert my field of study). I know I have tried to explain to you. And I really tried hard. But unfortunately, I work in a tiny part of the most obscure area of my field of study. It is a PhD after all, not something real, like say, an MBA. Whenever I try to explain what I do, knowing that you really lack a lot of the vocabulary I could use (no offence to you - and yes, your talks about bonds or hedge funds or credit analysis make my eyes glaze over too), I end up over simplifying. And then I know you go away thinking I do something I really don’t do.
And please, please, please, if you are one of the few people (besides my advisor) who understand what I do, please don’t ask me why I am doing what I am doing or what I want to do with it. I know the responses: my advisor wants me to or we wrote a grant for that or something of the sort is probably not going to satisfy you. I wish I could change the world with my research. Unfortunately at this time, I don’t think it would happen. In the meantime, I can only hope that the other 6 people (ok, maybe a couple of hundred) in my area will care that I did what I do.

-Work and school are the same for me. So when you ask me how work is going and I tell you, I am really also telling you how school is too. Don’t ask me again how school is going. And no, I don’t have a “real” job. Lucky me, I get paid to go to school. But at this point, I would take a real job any day.
And when I complain about always being broke, don’t tell me to get a “real” job. First of all, my visa doesn’t allow me to work. And even if it did, I don’t have the time to. I barely have enough hours in the day as it is. The only appropriate response when I whine about not being able to take that trip I want to take is probably, “It will be OK. Someday soon you will have a real job.” Usually, all I want is the sympathy and the reassurance, and nothing more.

-I am not married. Neither am I getting married anytime soon. In fact, I am not even seeing anyone at the moment. I know, I am also surprised myself that I haven’t found anyone. (p.s. Thanks for your vote of confidence. I love you for that.) Fortunately for me, in my area of expertise, the odds are good but unfortunately, the goods are also odd. The subset of high odds and eligible goods is very small. But that line is really only an excuse. I know that I probably haven’t tried really hard. But what you don’t get is that I don’t really care, that much. Sorry mum, unfortunately, getting married and making babies is low on my list of priories right now. I know; my priorities are pretty screwed up.

Dear people not in grad school, I love you. Without your amazing support, I probably wouldn’t be able to do this. And that is what keeps me from telling you off when you ask me any of the above questions.