I am attracted to both men and women.
Maybe now that I have written that down, I will someday be more comfortable saying it out loud. More often, more confidently, (more proudly?).
I have often paused to consider where I fall on the Kinsey scale. I think I am probably a 3 or a 4. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. I think my answer would probably change depending on what kind of week I am having. For instance, does that fact that I have only seen guys I have been attracted to in the last few weeks make me straight? Or maybe that in the weeks before that, no one really caught my eye and so I was asexual then? It is silly really when we start labelling people, and things and feelings, and attractions. But I do.
It is interesting that I was up for doing a posting on sexuality. I just had a talk with one of my colleagues. She told me that another guy we work with thinks I am lesbian. That he won’t be surprised if some ten years from now, I did come out. He came to that conclusion after learning that I went to a women’s college (and I admit, I am a bit of a feminist and somewhat butch as well). Way to stereotype. Unfortunately (or not), I meet that stereotype, in this instance. Not that I would ever come out to him. He always passes these comments that seem really homophobic to me, but he always insists that he is simply joking. Plus he has a lot of gay friends so he cannot be a bigot, right? It is funny really. I want t go up to him and say, “You know, you got it wrong. I am not lesbian, I am simply bisexual.” If anything I would love to see him blanche (or whatever his reaction will be).
But then I am not sure he will believe me. A lot of people think that people who claim to be bisexual are really gays or lesbians in denial. Sometimes I think I am a heterosexual in denial. That maybe this attraction for women is all in my head. Sometimes I WANT it to be all in my head. So that some day when I give it a really good shake (my head I mean), I will go back to being normal. Sometimes, I am fine the way I am, abnormal.
[NB: I am using the words “normal” and “abnormal” here the way over 60% of the world’s population uses it. I am realistic enough to know that pro-gay supporters insisting that something is or isn’t doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of the world agrees with them. My own opinion on this issue is fodder for another post.]
But I won’t say anything to him. Not now, or probably never. First of all, he is a big blabber mouth. But more importantly, I really want to keep my private life separate from my professional life. What I do (or don’t do) when I am not working is no one at work’s business. It is easier that way.
Plus I am way at the back of the proverbial closet. OK, not really. I am out to a few people. People I am comfortable with, who I know are going to be supportive of whatever decisions I take and who I trust to use this information wisely. When I am out to people, I don’t mind who they out me to, as long as it is relevant and they let me know that they did. Because, I hate not knowing that they know if they do know and I usually want them to know that I know that they know.
Besides my parents and my family (because it is too complicated), there really isn’t anyone who I would care if they knew.
Maybe now that I have written that down, I will someday be more comfortable saying it out loud. More often, more confidently, (more proudly?).
I have often paused to consider where I fall on the Kinsey scale. I think I am probably a 3 or a 4. I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. I think my answer would probably change depending on what kind of week I am having. For instance, does that fact that I have only seen guys I have been attracted to in the last few weeks make me straight? Or maybe that in the weeks before that, no one really caught my eye and so I was asexual then? It is silly really when we start labelling people, and things and feelings, and attractions. But I do.
It is interesting that I was up for doing a posting on sexuality. I just had a talk with one of my colleagues. She told me that another guy we work with thinks I am lesbian. That he won’t be surprised if some ten years from now, I did come out. He came to that conclusion after learning that I went to a women’s college (and I admit, I am a bit of a feminist and somewhat butch as well). Way to stereotype. Unfortunately (or not), I meet that stereotype, in this instance. Not that I would ever come out to him. He always passes these comments that seem really homophobic to me, but he always insists that he is simply joking. Plus he has a lot of gay friends so he cannot be a bigot, right? It is funny really. I want t go up to him and say, “You know, you got it wrong. I am not lesbian, I am simply bisexual.” If anything I would love to see him blanche (or whatever his reaction will be).
But then I am not sure he will believe me. A lot of people think that people who claim to be bisexual are really gays or lesbians in denial. Sometimes I think I am a heterosexual in denial. That maybe this attraction for women is all in my head. Sometimes I WANT it to be all in my head. So that some day when I give it a really good shake (my head I mean), I will go back to being normal. Sometimes, I am fine the way I am, abnormal.
[NB: I am using the words “normal” and “abnormal” here the way over 60% of the world’s population uses it. I am realistic enough to know that pro-gay supporters insisting that something is or isn’t doesn’t necessarily mean that the rest of the world agrees with them. My own opinion on this issue is fodder for another post.]
But I won’t say anything to him. Not now, or probably never. First of all, he is a big blabber mouth. But more importantly, I really want to keep my private life separate from my professional life. What I do (or don’t do) when I am not working is no one at work’s business. It is easier that way.
Plus I am way at the back of the proverbial closet. OK, not really. I am out to a few people. People I am comfortable with, who I know are going to be supportive of whatever decisions I take and who I trust to use this information wisely. When I am out to people, I don’t mind who they out me to, as long as it is relevant and they let me know that they did. Because, I hate not knowing that they know if they do know and I usually want them to know that I know that they know.
Besides my parents and my family (because it is too complicated), there really isn’t anyone who I would care if they knew.
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