Deeply Profound Thought

OK, everyone hold your breath for this one:

So yesterday, as I was going along with my day, thinking mind boggling and life changing thoughts; thoughts for which I someday (pretty soon, please God!) hope to get a really advanced degree which will allow me to put on some extra pretenses, and go around with my head held high, with the all knowing look of someone who knows more that you do (ok, I digress, but stick with me please), I had a revolutionary thought.

I spend more time with my colleagues at work/school than most married couples spend together (awake or asleep), everyday, every week. So under common law in some places, (The details of such laws currently elude me. If I am motivated later, maybe I will look it up.) we are (wait for this) MARRIED!

This is how I see it. These common law marriage laws indicate that if a couple (probably only applies to straights at this time, but last I checked, there aren’t any women in my lab so there!) lives together for more that three or it is seven years (doesn’t really matter, we can work to modify these laws later), they are technically married. And so since I spend so much time with these guys here at work, I am married to each one of them.

So this is the plan. There is nothing like common law divorce. I know. Apparently, I can’t simply just stay away from work for a couple of years and claim divorce rights. Who would have thought! But that little detail won't stop on my way to achieving greatness. I am going to go out and get a divorce (the real way) from all of these guys. One after the other, all ten of them, so I can claim alimony from each of them. You may wonder, why all ten of them? I will enlighten you (Oh you non-deeply profound thoughts thinking person). They are graduate students, that is why. I will need the support from all ten of them if I can achieve the oh so lavish lifestyle I am envisioning right afterwards.

And that little detail of how I may have committed polyandry? Yes, I did look into that. Since it was through no fault of mine that I was put into this situation, of being forced to marry (I mean work) with these guys, I am OK. I am actually also looking into suing my boss for forceful arranged polyandry. That should add nicely to the treasure trove.

Now why no one ever thought of this wonderful idea is beyond me. Must be the same people who haven't thought of our pets owning their own pets or chocolate cover vegetables.

OK, you can let your breath out now. And come out celebrate with me in anticipation of all the riches I will make from my divorce settlements. Go ahead, have a drink on me. I can afford it (in the near future that is). Yay!

Coming up: Your (highly sporadic) regularly scheduled blogging (involving no such Deeply Profound Thoughts).

What I want

A blogger I read posted an old email from three years. In this email, he talked about his sexuality and questioned whether being gay or ex-gay is the right choice for him. He is an ex-gay who has recently leaned towards being more ex-ex-gay. He mentioned that he feels differently now. But even though he does, there are some parts of him that remains the same. It would have been interesting to have him mention which parts of that old email still feel the same to him.

But even if he is questioning again, I think it is probably normal, for most people. I will be hard pressed to believe someone who says that they are always certain of the choices they make all the time. I like it when posts are personal. It allows you to get a better feel of who they are and where they stand and how they are doing. I think. But, it is always weird for me when someone's feelings/thoughts mirror my own so much. I was recently talking to a friend about "What I want." Truthfully, I don't know.

Do I want to be with a man, "do I strive for the perfect suburban existence? A gas-guzzling SUV with kids and a mortgage payment I can’t afford. Would I want a husband if I wasn't sexually attracted to him" all the time?

Or do I want to be with a woman, in some city, some place, probably with a gas guzzling truck this time? :-) Would I want a wife if I wasn't attracted to her all the time? And this is certainly not the same as married couples not wanting/needing to have sex all the time.

Lucky me, I do get a choice. I am bisexual after all. I get to "pick" which I want. I am sure I will probably be equally happy. For different reasons. Option one will probably be the easier option. It will be make me happy - and my parents too (and right now, they are pretty much the only people I will give consideration in such an important decision). In an ideal world, this is the option I would want, without even thinking about it.

Option two is probably the more difficult option. It would probably kill my parents (I think, I am pretty certain) and I could probably never go home with her. Plus realistically, it is a harder option in the world we live in. Not that it is impossible. And no, if I got to choose, (without any such hinderances as also being attracted to women) this would NOT be my choice.

The other option I have given considerable thought to is having/adopting a baby by myself with some generous donor (any offers guys?) and living a celibate life. This choice comes with the task of explaining such a choice. Celibacy however has very little appeal for me. It is all fine and dandy in the short term but certainly not in the long term.

For me, there really aren’t any of the God issues here. I am pretty certain that in the grand scheme of things, God does not care as much about whom I share my bed with as people seem to think. And yes, this is a personal revelation/thought. I have often said that neither side of the issue has been able to convince me with anything from the bible. [When put to it, I can argue both sides of the issue equally well.]

The result of all of this confusion is that "I haven’t had “feelings” towards anyone of either sex in a long time. I’m beginning to wonder if I ever will." Everyone around me says I am too picky. That's probably true. But the real issue here is that I am afraid. Afraid of not being true to one part of myself. Afraid that I can't possibly be truly happy, with a man or a woman. That I am going to commit to a man/woman and then want the other after a few weeks, years, whatever.

I will need to get over all of that. All in good time I guess.

As usual, I start out energetically and then suddenly loose my steam. Ask me if you want and I will say some more about my recent thoughts on these issues.