Saturday, 28 June 2008

The Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding IV

I am still recounting my adventures during my friends’ Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding. In part one, I talked about events leading to the wedding day. In part two, I share random bits about setting up and tearing down. In part 3, I talk about the actual ceremony and the reception and finally, here I will share some general reflections on the entire weekend.

Reflections on the weekend

Quaker Weddings If I get married someday, and I have to have a wedding, I want a Quaker wedding. I am not a Quaker, although I do agree with and respect all of the important tenets Quakers hold. Truthfully, at this point, if I could have a Quaker meeting that was more programmed (i.e. there was more beside the hour of silent worship with interspersed revelations (?) from people during their weekly meetings), I would probably be a Quaker. I love the idea of the weekly hour of silence. In a world of too busy (for nothing) people, I can well appreciate the need to stop, and be silent, and simply be, to think/reflect or commune with the spirit or a higher being (which ever one it is you believe in). I do however still like (and need) that aspect of worship that involves singing hymns and songs (and clapping and dancing) with other believers, and having the opportunity to hear someone share on some topic/scripture (even if I don’t always (usually) agree with everything they say). But I still wish I could have a Quaker wedding. Because this wedding was simply the most personal, and inclusive (in a lot of ways) and heart warming experience I have ever had at a wedding.

Community To corrupt an old saying, “It takes an entire community to pull off a great wedding.” I know very well that this wedding was such a remarkable success because of all the people who came together to pull it through. Every so often, I get really frustrated with people, and friends, and family and relationships in general. In these times, I have often wondered (aloud sometimes) what life would be without such encumbrances as relationships and people. In such times, I have often felt that life would be so much simpler if I lived in it by myself, or at least I didn’t have any personal connections with anyone else. But this weekend, I saw people come together. I worked with people who are friends and strangers to pull off this wedding. As I strengthened old friendships, and formed new relationships and most importantly when I made wonderful new memories involving these old and new friends, I rethought the importance of relationships. I remembered that all the negatives-arguments and disagreements and bickering do not take away from the strengths of friendships – unwavering support and love and affection and hugs and laughter and even the tears. I really love my friends and wouldn’t give them up for anything.

My Town and Acceptance At different times during this weekend, as I looked around at all the different couples, gay and straight, it struck me that I was in the mist of the biggest most accepting crowd that I have ever been in and would probably be a part of for a long time to come. It was pleasing to me to watch some of the gay couples, who were probably mostly out in their respective hometowns but who were certainly more comfortable and open and content in this environment. It made me proud that this was my town and this is the place I call home.

JEN Society I have found over the course of preparing for this wedding that even the smallest simplest wedding requires too much work and too much time. I really need to start filing the paperwork for the JEN Society. I mean the Just Elope Now Society of people who believe that weddings and the wedding industry are in cahoots to drive me and others of like mind crazy (and broke) and that elopements are so much better (and cooler and more romantic) than the hassle of a wedding. Really. Especially if the elopement is to some place foreign and trendy and not sleazy (my opinion, but I have never been) Las Vegas. Who wants to join me?

Regrets? My only regret throughout this weekend was that I didn’t get to hang out. That I didn’t get an opportunity to sit and talk and get to know all the people who were there. The people who I had not met before, but especially the old friends who had moved away and were only back in town for the weekend. I probably could have made the time to do more of that. But as I mentioned earlier, symptoms of OCD cannot allow me to stop and relax unless everything is going right or it is all over. I guess it just means I have to plan trips to go visit all the people from far away sometime soon.

All in all, this was an spectacular weekend.



Topher said...

I've loved reading all of your comments from the wedding! I know it has helped me in reliving some of the moments that I may have otherwise forgotten.

Pomoprophet said...

high five for OCDness! Its a blessing and a curse isnt it? Makes life stressfull for us but much easier for everyone else! :)

I too think I want many of the quaker aspects in my wedding. Can you do that without being quaker? I think alot of people could learn a great deal from a quaker wedding, as I have.

Thanks for sharing your perspective on the weekend. I am still enjoying your cookies!

Selly said...

Thanks for stopping by. You should do that more often. And not silently (wordlessly(?)) either.

I am dealing with my CDO tendencies. It is easier if others in your environs don't suffer from the same disease.

I don't think you need to be a Quaker to have a Quaker wedding. Technically, "C" isn't a Quaker as far as I know. You do have to go through their form of marriage counseling before though which requires some sort of vetting and then they have to find you "worthy." Of course, Joe will be better at answering your questions here.

I am glad you are enjoying the cookies.