I am a Dreamer

A couple of weeks ago, I had reason to consider which one dream for my life I most look forward to having come true. My response was something like this:

“I dream of a time when no mother will have to watch their child die, of any disease, but particularly of any disease that could easily be cured if they had access to a hospital, or to a few units of currency. I dream of a time when every child will be able to have at least one square meal each day and no child will have to go to bed hungry. I dream of a time when clean drinking water, good sanitation and access to good health care are taken for granted by everyone in this world.”

Big dreams huh? But I always say it doesn’t hurt to dream. It doesn’t hurt to think big. Because everything is possible, if everybody who is able joins to work together.

Here, I think the important question will be how I am hoping to achieve my dream. What am I doing to make sure that these big ideas become an actuality? Right now, not too much. Besides talking to people, about the politics of poverty in the world and particularly in Africa, not a whole lot.

But someday I will. Someday soon.

I am Christian

I haven’t blogged in a while. Part of it is a result of my usual ADD (undiagnosed of course). I sometimes get bored with projects (i.e. blogs) that I start and have to make myself finish/continue them. The other reason is that I am not always in the mood for writing on the particular topic/issue I have assigned myself.

When I started writing this blog, I listed 26 personality traits (look up at my header). The words on this list were carefully chosen to meet several needs. First of, going with the ABECEDARIAN theme, I came up with an alphabetical list. Secondly, I chose words that truthfully describe me or some situation I am currently in or some issue I think is important. Finally, I wanted to be able to write long discourses (maybe not so long for all of them) about each of these.

And so I set out with this blog, after making that list. Having this list ensures that I will not be at a loss on what to write about (for at least 26 different posts). I however did not anticipate not wanting to write about any particular topic at any time. Being the control freak I am, or is it OCD (yes, I take pride in my abilities as a self diagnosing armchair psychiatrist), I can’t bring myself to move randomly through my list. So I don’t write until I want to. That being said, I will go on to write about being a Christian.

I am a Christian, although I hesitate to call myself that anymore. In the 21st century, the word Christian has become a dirty word (much as it was in the early first century). On the one hand, in the United States of today, I don’t always want to be associated with the word Christian. Too many people with their own personal (oftentimes misguided) agenda are doing too good of a job soiling that name. On the other I can’t say I really am Christ-Like. I try to be, usually, most of the time (I hope). But I fall short, too often. So when I say I hesitate to call myself Christian, it isn’t because I am afraid to stand up for Christ. I want to. I do. Acknowledge Him as my lord I mean. But usually, my own actions, attitudes, thoughts embarrass me. I am afraid that people will look at me and not see the God in me, that one I worship but will see the ugly dirty heart that is all me. I know I am a poor representation of my Saviour. But I am working on it. I continue to be a work in progress.

In the mean time, I am going with describing myself as a Christ Follower, a Christ Believer. [That line probably requires more to be said here, but I lost my train of thought. Maybe some day I will say more.]

I was raised in a Christian home. I became a Christian (accepted Christ as my personal saviour) when I was about 8 years old. Until college, my spirituality was more of a culture than anything. I did what I did (studied the bible, went to church, prayed, etc) because that was how I was raised. I acted with no conscious thought of what I was doing beyond the fact that it had always been the same. In the last few years, after moving away from home I have taken responsibility for my relationship with God. It has involved me looking into myself, and asking what it is I believe and why I do believe. This search had allowed me to re-examine who God is (My Father, my Creator, my Saviour, my Friend) and in so doing, have come to terms with who I am (His Child - made in his image, Loved, Redeemed, Accepted, Chosen). I am a work in progress. Constantly seeking God's will and calling for me and trying to meet these within my best capabilities.

In some other post, I will describe what is has been like for me to try to follow Christ, in general and especially in the last few months. It hasn’t been very easy. It hasn’t always been very fun. What it has been is challenging, humbling and tricky.