It feels almost like a marriage...

First you spend all this time trying to get to know this person (oh, I mean you read all his papers, or at least the short ones), you talk to them, get to know them more personally, go home and meet their family (yes, I know group meetings are nothing like home, but ... focus here ok?) and then you decide if you want to get hitched. Keeping in mind that you are going to be together for eternity (ok, so only five, six, seven years... but who is counting), for better or for worse, or for worse and worse...

It is important to know how well he is going to treat you. And of course how much money he has. Yes, his money is important. I mean how else you can buy all the big toys you need to play with and food (you know ingredients for reactions). Sure, you go telling me that love (the project, his reputation, etc) is all that counts. Wait till you have to go out and earn your keep two years down the line. The man I "married” made me go out into the wild two years in a row (note the connection between my students and the wild) Have I mentioned how much I love grants running out ?(Hey, Selly, don't be bitter. TAing is not so bad...)

But I deviate. Good luck choosing your advisor (for those who were too involved or confused in my convoluted analogy to realize).

Random Quote

"If my heart is broken, I should be thankful that I was blessed to have loved... but I cannot live that wisely. That’s why I cry"

On the issue of theories of mine...

I am told that chemical reactions are like having and raising a baby. First there is all the fun and activities to start out. Then there is this really loonnngggg wait till the baby gets here or the reaction goes to completion whichever you can relate better to here. In that time you pretty much do nothing but sit around and twiddle your thumbs. Of course I am sure my dear advisors would much rather prefer that I sit behind my desk and studiously catch up on my reading on my project and literature and such from scholarly journals (but what is the fun in that). Instead I am updating my blog. Naughty, naughty me.

All of today has been me sitting around waiting for my DSC to go. It is too bad I am about a 20minute walk from my own lab. It would have been great if I could go back and forth, that way I could also get something else done. But there is really no point since in the time it takes to get to my lab, I will have to put in a new sample or do something of the sort.

Ok, back to theories. So finally the baby arrives. Usually in the first few days (hours) they require a lot of work and attention (think working up reaction, purification, columns, crystallization). As they grow, you need to be careful with them. Too much attention and they get spoilt, too little and they go really bad (ask me about my little explosion, my hood is still greasy from the oil spill).

Ok, so my point is that I am bored to death in lab. My eyes are beginning to glaze over from reading these articles. HELP!!!

e-Mail from the Moon

When I was growing up, I wanted so badly to become an astronaut and go to space. I kind of outgrew that idea. There is still however some part of me, hidden in the background that believes that there is more to this universe/galaxy than we think (not meaning in the spiritual sense or anything) and definitely more than we know now.

I have this idea that God really must have some other planet prepared for us when we are done ruining and also overpopulating this one we live on now. And here, I am not in any way advocating irresponsible environmental and earth threatening activities. However, I find it very unlikely that the earth is the only hospitable planet. There is that statistician in me that says that one little spot cannot just suddenly have ideal conditions and nowhere else. I am imagining the earth being at the peak of some bell curve like situation. Which means that admittedly the extremes exist at the ends. We all know mercury and Pluto (Oh poor Pluto, no longer considered a planet) exist. So there must be some other close to ideals close to the earth. You think?

So why am I thinking about these issues? One of my friends just applied for a job to be an astronaut for a North American country’s space agency. He is still in the very early stages of the application process, and there is a 1 in 2500 chance of his getting the job. But still, it is really easy get into the excitement of the moment, to hope that he could possibly get the job and maybe someday get to visit the moon. I made him promise to send me an e-mail from the moon, someday, if he gets to go.

So, here’s to all of us keeping our fingers (and toes) crossed for my friend getting the job so he can go to the moon, so that I can get an email from the moon. According to his roommate, he would probably be the first homicide in space. As she puts it, “can you imagine spending months in an enclosed space with “J”?” And so let’s also try to keep the haters in check as well.

Mandela taken off US terror list

I just read here that Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, former president of South Africa, Freedom Fighter, anti-Apartheid Activist, Nobel Prize winner, Humanitarian, etc, etc was just taken of the US’s terror list.

The African National Congress (ANC) was designated as a terrorist organisation by South Africa's old apartheid regime. ...
Under the legislation, members of the ANC could travel to the United Nations headquarters in New York but not to Washington DC or other parts of the United States.

I am amazed. Not so much that the members of the ANC got put on this list. It is somewhat understandable, given the way the West thought of such “insurgents” at the time that they got put on the list. I am however surprised that it took the US this long to get their act together, after all the craziness of apartheid had been resolved (at least the main big political issues) to get these guys off the list. So I can’t vouch for any of the other members of the ANC (some of them have been prosecuted for various offences since the end of apartheid), but really, Nelson Mandela too, really? Only eighteen years after his release from prison, only 14 years after he became president and only 9 years after he was president. Maybe the powers that be thought, what can we get him for his ninetieth birthday present? We know, we will take him of the terrorist list. WOW.

I have very few heroes. But of the few I do, Nelson Mandela is one of my most respected. I want to be just like him when I grow up. :-)

And now I will end with a quote from another well known African leader (although for entirely different reasons than Mandela).

Our economy is a hundred times better, than the average African economy. Outside South Africa, what country is [as good as] Zimbabwe? What is lacking now are goods on the shelves - that is all. (Robert Mugabe)

Please don't get me started on this guy. Maybe some day.
After yesterday's posting, I figured I should lay off the US for a bit and focus on my own continent.

Why I am voting Republican

Disclaimer: This video has a huge bias (jeez, it is so obvious it smacks you in the face). I don’t believe Republicans (most or even any) will agree with everything these people are saying. But it is funny and I had to share.

p.s. You have to watch to the very end of the video.

The Democratic Primaries are over

And I am glad. Ideologically, I found Obama and Clinton to be pretty much the same candidate. [My instinct here is to refer to her as Hillary, but I get annoyed when people refer to Barak more formally but are informal with Clinton. I am not sure if it is because she is a woman or because we already have a Clinton and so we don’t want to get the names confused.] On the issues I am in agreement, they hold the same views. On the issues I didn’t agree with them, again, I didn’t agree with either of them.

As a Black Woman however, I was torn. Did I want a Black man (possibly the first Black US president) or a Woman (again, possibly the first female US president).

As an African Woman who is alum of a women’s college, I was even further torn. Of course, I wanted to support the African man who could by some simple (really, most Africans are related by only four degrees) extensions be my uncle/cousin. Even though we are from different countries and more importantly different ethnic groups, you know Africans are all really family. You know, the reason why every time I tell anyone where I am from, they feel the need to tell me about that friend from Madagascar or some other African country. [And no, that’s not where I come from, not even close. Of course I know them. Their grandmother and mine often picked firewood from the same spot.] So I was really rooting for Obama.

But then again, there is nothing stronger than the bond between daughters of the Seven Sisters. Being that I attended the oldest sister and Clinton went to Wellesley (maybe some day I will blog about how Wellesley is the one school I really wanted to get into for college and didn’t.) This seven sisters bond transcends age, backgrounds, location or political ideology. I can’t count how many times I have met another product of the seven sisters (not necessarily from the one I went to) and how we immediately have so much in common. Sometimes more in common than with other women/people I have known for several years. It is a really special thing that cannot be explained.

And so with all this turmoil, I am really glad I didn’t get a chance to choose between the two. You can’t imagine how hard that would have been.

But I love Bok Choy

A few days ago, some friends and I were talking about the HRC’s Equality Index. In the latest survey taken in 2007, some of the more popular stores had these scores: Federated Department Stores (this includes Macy, Bloomingdales, etc) (100%), Sears/Kmart (100%), Target Corporation (80%), and Wal-Mart (40%). For me, Wal-Mart’s scores were the most surprising. Considering all the accounts of their use of child labour, illegal immigrants and their predatory measures against smaller mom and pop grocery stores, I expected them to be rated lower. I don’t really know too well the details of this survey so I can’t comment more on what went into these figures. Meijer, a grocery store that most of us in the discussion use scored 0%. One of the guys in the group who feels really strongly about this issue was encouraging (read: pushing) all of us to try to use alternate sources.

Personally, I prefer to shop at Meijer. Being the vegetarian and fruitarian that I am, on a weekly basis, I mostly buy fruit and produce. For these purposes, I find that Meijer is the best option. Wal-Mart may be cheaper but their fruit and produce department is horrible (not so for Sam’s Club which is the Wal-Mart bulk store, can’t explain why). Plus, I have bigger issues with Wal-Mart way beyond their HRC Equality index.

Anyway, this HRC advocate was recommending ALDI, which is a small little known discount supermarket (yes, it is exactly what it sounds like). ALDI, however being what it is, doesn’t have too much variety going for it. As one friend put it, “they don’t have Bok Choy.” This statement was hilarious to me for a lot of reasons, especially after we had established that this friend never really eats fruits and veggies, and produce in general but particularly not Bok Choy. But as he clarified, “I like having the option to not have it.”

It is the same way with a lot of things in life though. There are some things that we definitely do not want. There are things we would throw away if given them, but we still want to be offered these things, if only so we can refuse them. Like me being disappointed that my gay friends decided to only throw their boa to the single males at their wedding. I have been to numerous weddings where I have refused to stand to catch the bouquet. But at least it was my choice not to. Or being disappointed that some unappealing, unattractive guy isn't interested in me. I know I would turn him down. But I do mind that he didn't ask me in the first place. Or other such crazy things.

Hmm, I really don’t know where I was going with that story. Maybe I simply want to give you the option to not read this posting. :-)

The Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding IV

I am still recounting my adventures during my friends’ Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding. In part one, I talked about events leading to the wedding day. In part two, I share random bits about setting up and tearing down. In part 3, I talk about the actual ceremony and the reception and finally, here I will share some general reflections on the entire weekend.

Reflections on the weekend

Quaker Weddings If I get married someday, and I have to have a wedding, I want a Quaker wedding. I am not a Quaker, although I do agree with and respect all of the important tenets Quakers hold. Truthfully, at this point, if I could have a Quaker meeting that was more programmed (i.e. there was more beside the hour of silent worship with interspersed revelations (?) from people during their weekly meetings), I would probably be a Quaker. I love the idea of the weekly hour of silence. In a world of too busy (for nothing) people, I can well appreciate the need to stop, and be silent, and simply be, to think/reflect or commune with the spirit or a higher being (which ever one it is you believe in). I do however still like (and need) that aspect of worship that involves singing hymns and songs (and clapping and dancing) with other believers, and having the opportunity to hear someone share on some topic/scripture (even if I don’t always (usually) agree with everything they say). But I still wish I could have a Quaker wedding. Because this wedding was simply the most personal, and inclusive (in a lot of ways) and heart warming experience I have ever had at a wedding.

Community To corrupt an old saying, “It takes an entire community to pull off a great wedding.” I know very well that this wedding was such a remarkable success because of all the people who came together to pull it through. Every so often, I get really frustrated with people, and friends, and family and relationships in general. In these times, I have often wondered (aloud sometimes) what life would be without such encumbrances as relationships and people. In such times, I have often felt that life would be so much simpler if I lived in it by myself, or at least I didn’t have any personal connections with anyone else. But this weekend, I saw people come together. I worked with people who are friends and strangers to pull off this wedding. As I strengthened old friendships, and formed new relationships and most importantly when I made wonderful new memories involving these old and new friends, I rethought the importance of relationships. I remembered that all the negatives-arguments and disagreements and bickering do not take away from the strengths of friendships – unwavering support and love and affection and hugs and laughter and even the tears. I really love my friends and wouldn’t give them up for anything.

My Town and Acceptance At different times during this weekend, as I looked around at all the different couples, gay and straight, it struck me that I was in the mist of the biggest most accepting crowd that I have ever been in and would probably be a part of for a long time to come. It was pleasing to me to watch some of the gay couples, who were probably mostly out in their respective hometowns but who were certainly more comfortable and open and content in this environment. It made me proud that this was my town and this is the place I call home.

JEN Society I have found over the course of preparing for this wedding that even the smallest simplest wedding requires too much work and too much time. I really need to start filing the paperwork for the JEN Society. I mean the Just Elope Now Society of people who believe that weddings and the wedding industry are in cahoots to drive me and others of like mind crazy (and broke) and that elopements are so much better (and cooler and more romantic) than the hassle of a wedding. Really. Especially if the elopement is to some place foreign and trendy and not sleazy (my opinion, but I have never been) Las Vegas. Who wants to join me?

Regrets? My only regret throughout this weekend was that I didn’t get to hang out. That I didn’t get an opportunity to sit and talk and get to know all the people who were there. The people who I had not met before, but especially the old friends who had moved away and were only back in town for the weekend. I probably could have made the time to do more of that. But as I mentioned earlier, symptoms of OCD cannot allow me to stop and relax unless everything is going right or it is all over. I guess it just means I have to plan trips to go visit all the people from far away sometime soon.

All in all, this was an spectacular weekend.

THE END.

The Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding III

I am still recounting my adventures during my friends’ Big Fat Gay Quaker Wedding. In part one, I talked about events leading to the wedding day. In part two, I share random bits about setting up and tearing down. Here I will talk about the actual ceremony and the reception and finally, I will share some general reflections on the entire weekend.

The ceremony

I had never been to a gay wedding and neither had I been to a Quaker wedding and so I was really looking forward to this particular one. I knew there was going to be long moments of silence (from my experience with other Quaker meetings) but that was pretty much all I knew to expect.

In the Quaker meeting place where the ceremony was held, the chairs were placed in a (multi layered) circle with the grooms seated in the front. The ceremony started out by the meeting clerk (yes, even though Quakers don’t have a pastor/priest, they do have someone to drive meetings and such) telling us how everything was going to be done. Then everyone in the room (a little over a hundred I think) introduced themselves and briefly stated how they were connected to the grooms. This activity was important to me for a variety of reasons. First of all, everyone is immediately drawn into the ceremony. They weren’t merely onlookers but participants. Secondly, this wasn’t simply a roomful of strangers but instead people who are connected because of their relationship with the couple. And finally, it was interesting to see what a diverse collection of people were there to support the couple. There were family and friends who had known them since birth, friends they grew up with, college and graduate school friends, colleagues and other friends from all aspects of their lives.

After the introduction, there was about fifteen minutes of silence. Quakers believe in silent worship. During this time, the three year old nephew of one of the grooms ran commentary. This baby is the cutest thing ever. For those of us who are challenged by having to sit still and silent for longer than a minute, he was a much appreciated and amusing distraction, although I am not sure the Quakers present necessarily agreed with me.

And then the grooms stood up and exchanged their vows. This part was particularly poignant for a variety of reasons. Quakers believe that each one of us has direct access to God and so there is no need for a mediator (i.e. pastor/priest). I like very much the idea of a personal God, one that we can go to whenever and say whatever to. They exchanged very simple and traditional vows but what was particularly moving was how heartfelt their words were (from the emotion heard). One of the grooms even sounded choked (?) when he started to speak.

And then there was some more audience participation. There was an opportunity for everyone present to share something with the groom (and the audience?). This was probably my most favourite part of the ceremony. So this activity could go either of two ways: It could be a chance for people to off load a bunch of BS or an opportunity for people to share deeply and sensitively about themselves and the grooms. What happened was that almost everyone there had something important to share. Some advice, or a reading from some place, and most commonly some memory of their interactions with one pf the grooms. How can just two people, having lived such short live have touched so many people in so many important ways? Did I mention that these guys are truly an inspiration? Yes, they really are.

I remember sitting there and thinking that I could maybe find some friends and family to say some sort of cool things about me, and my relationships with them and maybe even share some positive influence I have had on their lives. I would be harder if not impossible to get my work colleagues to do so however. But this many people, from that many areas of my life? Wow!

The most heartfelt moment for me was when a friend of the grooms said something like “I have so many memories with these guys I don’t even know where to start.” And then stopped because he was choked and couldn’t talk any more. To any observers, it probably didn’t mean much. But if I was going to cry at any point during the entire weekend, it probably would have been then. I knew exactly what he was saying and I felt like he couldn’t have said it any better. Knowing this guy and knowing off his relationship with the grooms, I believe I know exactly where he was coming from. And knowing this guy to be one not given to blatant expression of emotions such as he was at that instant made the moment even more moving.

And finally, the grooms shared a handshake (another Quaker thing) and everyone there did the same with the people around them. This was the end of the ceremony and the grooms walked out of the meeting place. The last thing to come though was the signing of the marriage certificate. After the couple signed, Quakers encourage everyone present, even the children to sign it too. I guess the certificate acts as a record of all the witnesses to the occasion. A very interesting concept – having a record of every witness to the event

The reception
After the Quaker ceremony went without any big events. The food was great, I am told. I finally had dinner sometime around midnight, and by then I think I was too tired and hungry not to be impressed by wet saw dust. As usual, the great troupe of amazing volunteers came together to make everything run smoothly, from serving drinks and food, to cleaning glasses (we broke (only) seven in total) and cutlery and plates. I have never had to deal with that many plates and glasses. But I have also never worked with such remarkable, enthusiastic, willing and efficient volunteers. Now I definitely know who I will be inviting if I ever get married. I continued to be humbled at how much everyone was so disposed to help out.

The highlight of the reception for me was the throwing of the boa. Yes, a boa! My friends had decided that they wanted to start some traditions for gay wedding, since there really aren’t any. There wasn’t a bouquet to toss and neither of them was wearing a garter (at least not one they were willing to part with (LOL)). So they came up with tossing a boa. The sister of one of the grooms had left an ugly lime green boa in the back of his car a couple of months earlier. And somehow they decided that a boa was the perfect thing to toss at a gay wedding. Lots of hilarity ensued, especially since the guy who caught the boa was one of the few single straight guys in attendance.

So somehow, with no consultation from the two (sort of single) female wedding planners, the grooms decided that only males were going to be allowed to vie for said boa. You would think that gay guys would be more attuned to issues of gender discrimination. Tsk, tsk. I am still a little miffed, just a little. The fact that I DO NOT want to catch the boa (bouquet, garter, whatever) is entirely beside the point. Like someone famously said, I wanted the option to refuse.

And finally, some reflections on the entire weekend…